accomplished twins. life is a go
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Pooping to opera.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
