Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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