Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
