Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
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Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
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the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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