I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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