Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
