i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
