I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
