what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
