i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
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I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
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My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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