i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
