we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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