Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
