i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
