He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
