OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
