as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
