Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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