phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
