we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
