i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
