So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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