Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
