Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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