your thong is hanging out like whoa
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
