I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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