cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
