The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
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