I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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