I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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