Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
