Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
