omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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