I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
