He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
