so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
