You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
