I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame today included voting.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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