She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
