Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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