My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
