I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize