My nipple is on Facebook.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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