Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
