My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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