smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
tonight lets celebrate not being married
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
