Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
