I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
two words: eviction party
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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