Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i think i just lost a toe
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
