I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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