She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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