Just cropdusted the office
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
