I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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