is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
