that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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