She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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