Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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