Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
