when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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