i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
