Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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