That's intense
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
