u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
