so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
