i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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