Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
