wat bout pragnant strippers??
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
