Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You did what with his pubic hair?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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