i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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