Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
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I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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