So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
