Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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