Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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