Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
