what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I need a burrito and a hug.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize